This is pretty close to what I look like today after the Class 2R night out. Okay, so I’ve not been decapitated and put in a display case (although it feels like it) but my skin pallor’s similar, and I seem to have taken ‘creepy 18th-century clown’ as the inspiration for today’s make-up look. (I was aiming for ‘Gwyneth Paltrow’, but as my fingers were still shaky, and a bit clammy, at 7am, it all went a bit Grimaldi.) That’s it, I can’t even type any more. I’m going to lie on the sofa and eat Hobnobs – one of the perks of not having a job.