Tag Archives: HRT

Place your Christmas orders for my novelty aprons!

Christmas is coming, and what better way to celebrate the festive season than with a hand-printed, 100 per cent cotton novelty apron?*

Wear one on Christmas Day to impress your mother-in-law. Wear one around the house every day, in a vain attempt to make yourself feel efficient and useful, like you imagine people who wear aprons to be. Wear one to soak up your S.A.D.-induced tears, because the St John’s Wort just doesn’t seem to be working for you any more.

Our aprons cost just £6.99, and are lovingly hand-crafted by South Korean orphans in a 6ft x 4ft shed with no incoming natural light and no access to toilet facilities.

* All aprons are guaranteed 100 per cent hypothetical.

Choose from:

Order no 017A/Mildly depressed

I know I don’t strictly need it to cook microwave lasagne, but what the fuck

Order no 017B/In need of Prozac

Does my depression look big in this?

Order no 017C/Full-blown midlife crisis

My God, what’s happened to me? I’m wearing a motherfucking apron

Order no 017D/Menopause

If you can’t stand the heat, try HRT

Order no 017E/Mother-in-law visit 1

Remove my giblets, daub me with butter and stuff my cavity

Order no 017F/Mother-in-law visit 2

Your son is impotent

Order no 017G/NCT coffee morning

“Because you have sinned against the LORD, I will make you as helpless as a blind man searching for a path.  Your blood will be poured out into the dust, and your bodies will lie there rotting on the ground.”

(Zephaniah 1:7:18 NLT)

Also available: matching oven gloves, £4.99

We also print customised aprons to order: send your own slogans via the comments box below.

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