My vital statistics

Having conducted my annual audit for 2009, I can report the following figures:

* Number of work commissions secured during 2009: 4

* Amount of money earnt: £1,750

* How many times I called a commissioning editor to ask for a face-to-face meeting: 1

* How many times that same commissioning editor said, ‘Really? You’ve come all the way into London, just to see me?’: 3

* Number of days days I’ve said, ‘Perhaps I should start a chick lit novel/hilarioius kids’ book/Man-Booker winning ghost story?…’: 98

Average number of words written before I realise that every character in my chick lit novel/hilarious kids’ book/Man-Booker winning ghost story sounds like a complete and utter twat: 800

If income remains constant for 2010, the percentage of my diet as an OAP that will consist of Cuppa Soups and Value Rich Tea biscuits: 85

Action required: a large boot must be sought as a matter of urgency, to connect with my arse.



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12 responses to “My vital statistics

  1. Well. At least you are not going to spend ages sorting out your earnings and filing away bills and receipts. You could write one of those ‘simplify your life’ books based on first-hand experience.

    • notwavingbutironing

      Yes, with tips like ‘Don’t email commissioning editors with your ideas. Write them in a little “to do” book instead. Then put the book in a drawer. This technique save hours of effort.’

  2. Just discovered your blog – love it! You can make a tasty soup from a pringles box to spin out the pension you know.

    • notwavingbutironing

      Thank you for bothering to read it! Pringles soup sounds right up my street. I’d maybe add an old leather boot and an empty can of tomatoes to stretch it further.

  3. I’d give the hilarious kids book/chick lit a miss – try non fiction. I just sat down and did it last year and actually got a publisher for a book called Cocktails at Naptime…….I wonder what my follow up will be Cockatiels at Naptime???

    point is TRY IT you might be brilliant at it!! Good luck xx

    • notwavingbutironing

      Bloody well done! I have a newfound respect for anyone who writes more than 500 words at a time – it is waaaaay harder than it looks. Is the book out yet? I’m going to Google you in a minute! (Emma K locks all her doors and windows)…

  4. Happy New Year!
    Have tagged you in a meme over on my blog if you’re interested?

  5. ELS

    Just found you through Mum’s Gone To.. and have been pissing myself (not literally) (not yet) at the kitchen table. And not finding uniforms, floor, dog, sense of responsibility, myself and other post-Xmas challenges. Love love love your writing. Utter aural brilliance. I also want to be best friends with Ros. Sod that, I want to BE her.

    Thanks for a huge hoot, have added you to my blog, hope that’s OK.


    • notwavingbutironing

      Thank you, thank you, for that! You’ve made my week. I’d say ‘my year’, but that might make me sound rather desperate and sad. Which of course, I’m not. I’m totally together and so cool people have to stare at the floor when I enter the room.

  6. There is a rather delicious award for you over at mine. Enjoy!

  7. notwavingbutironing

    Ooh, how lovely! Thank you very much! I will be repaying the favour when I can work out how to flippin’ do it. I have only recently discovered how to add blogs to my blogroll without deleting everything else on the page. x

  8. You make me laugh out loud.
    I already just put my feature ideas on a list – just saves a lot of bother!

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