‘Just make some elf ears’

I’ve been finding some very confusing messages in my children’s book bags about what I’m supposed to send in for the school play/the school fete tombola/the Secret Santa present scheme, etc. Our school is run along the same lines as MI6: instructions are given once, usually way back in September, and thereafter, you are only given oblique references. Tagged onto a note about Drama Club being cancelled, there’ll be a cryptic message: ‘The weather in Prague is very clement for the time of year’. Aaaargh, what does it mean? What does it mean?? Hopefully, you’ll find some kindly old-timer with kids in year 5 or 6 to translate for you: ‘They need to bring in 50p on Thursday for Action Aid.’ But of course!

Anyway, I’ve managed to deduce that I need to make a Christmas tree outfit for my son, which involves safety-pinning some baubles to a green T-shirt. I think I got off lightly. Other parents, whose children are playing Santa’s helpers, have been told to make elf ears, while anyone in the Christmas Fayre scene needs a ‘headdress shaped like Christmas food.’ Well, that’s no trouble at all, doesn’t everyone have a roast-potato hat at the bottom of the wardrobe?



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4 responses to “‘Just make some elf ears’

  1. Great post!
    I can assure you it gets worse when they go to secondary school. There are no school gates to hang around and ask other mothers (my son gets the bus now while I languish in my dressing gown til midday…) and finding any communication squashed at the bottom of my son’s rucksack is nigh on impossible. On the plus side, he doesn’t have to dress up as a Christmas tree…!!

    • notwavingbutironing

      God, hadn’t thought of that! Other mothers are my lifeline right now (and girls in my son’s class – ‘What did you do today, son?’ ‘Urrr, can’t remember.’ [Son’s classmate pipes up]: ‘We made lighthouses out of old bottles, then we learnt about the Vikings….’ etc, etc.)
      Am going on a concerted commenting spree this week, after my husband gets back and tells me which buttons to press (pathetic, huh?). So will attempt to comment on your site! Loved the man-flu story – classic!

  2. Last year, I had to dress my 8 year old in a polo necked sweater, either red, green or white. For reasons I can’t quite remember, I ended up with a spare. Another mum said she’d buy it off me. My son was off sick on the crucial day, but I accosted his teacher in the car park when dropping off older son, and gave it to her to pass on. IT NEVER REACHED THE OTHER CHILD’S HOME. I am just telling you this because I always suspected that MI6 might have been involved, and now, together, we can build up evidence.

    • notwavingbutironing

      Sinister, very sinister. The whole thing reeks of conspiracy at the highest level. Possibly the teacher has links with an eco-terrorist cell. Take her down, Iota!

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