I’ve been finding some very confusing messages in my children’s book bags about what I’m supposed to send in for the school play/the school fete tombola/the Secret Santa present scheme, etc. Our school is run along the same lines as MI6: instructions are given once, usually way back in September, and thereafter, you are only given oblique references. Tagged onto a note about Drama Club being cancelled, there’ll be a cryptic message: ‘The weather in Prague is very clement for the time of year’. Aaaargh, what does it mean? What does it mean?? Hopefully, you’ll find some kindly old-timer with kids in year 5 or 6 to translate for you: ‘They need to bring in 50p on Thursday for Action Aid.’ But of course!
Anyway, I’ve managed to deduce that I need to make a Christmas tree outfit for my son, which involves safety-pinning some baubles to a green T-shirt. I think I got off lightly. Other parents, whose children are playing Santa’s helpers, have been told to make elf ears, while anyone in the Christmas Fayre scene needs a ‘headdress shaped like Christmas food.’ Well, that’s no trouble at all, doesn’t everyone have a roast-potato hat at the bottom of the wardrobe?