Tramp pants

Feel revolting today. My clothes are literally falling apart. I’m wearing tramp pants, which in America probably means slutty, overly tight satin leggings or something, but to UK readers means baggy, greying Primark knickers with the lace trim hanging off. Aside from my pants of shame, I’m wearing a poloneck that’s shrunk to the size of a crop top and a pair of jeans with shredded hems. Am hoping Santa will bring me some new clothes. Maybe some nice winter boots. Although Santa my struggle to find a pair that suit me, given that my legs are the length of Twiglets. Those knee-high tan leather ones that make taller, slimmer mothers look like they’re just about to jump on a horse and go riding across the South Downs with Oliver Tobias, make me look like I’ve had my lower legs amputated and replaced with logs. Kids will scatter, screaming, as I ker-thunk across the playground like RoboMum – ‘Dead or alive, you’re coming home for tea’…

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Tramp pants

  1. You’re very funny.

    I’m wearing fleece trousers, but as I am in the US, they are fleece pants. But somehow, that sounds wrong, just wrong.

  2. notwavingbutironing

    They may sound wrong, but they sound damned comfortable! Where can I get some?

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